


Stay the Night

by mformello



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 08:17:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5861167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mformello/pseuds/mformello





	1. Chapter 1

I always wondered how the other cadets could fall asleep.  It was a luxury that I rarely enjoyed in the short time I had been with the Survey Corps.  Nightmares plagued my nights as I slept, but most nights, I wouldn’t fall asleep at all due to the anxiety.  It happened to be a night that my heart was racing, my whole body shook, and I felt as if I was going to puke. 

I slid out of my bunk and tiptoed out of my shared bedroom.  I made my way down the cold stone hallways lit by the moon light that seeped through the large windows.  The coldness shocked my body enough to keep me distracted from my panic attack.

I rushed through the girls’ dorms that was just a hallway in the old castle used for the Survey Corps’ HQ. At the end of the hall I climbed up the spiral staircase, heading for the large balcony at the front of the old castle.  It was a risky move, the second floor above the girls’ dorm was the boys’ dorm hallway.  Even if I told Levi that I wasn’t sneaking into a boy’s dorm, I’m sure he would have thought I was lying. Right then in there, it didn’t matter to me. I wanted, I needed to make it to the balcony. My safe haven.

The hall was clear and anyone patrolling the halls for stray cadets had gone to bed as well. The night was peaceful, quiet.  The moon was full as I walked onto the balcony.  The air was cool and relaxing, but that didn’t help.  My mind kept racing.  Leaning over the edge I coughed and dry heaved.  I couldn’t help but cry. 

“Y/N?” A voice called out quietly from behind.  I didn’t even notice his footsteps from down the hallway.  I wiped away my tears. I couldn’t have anyone see me in this state.  I needed to be strong.  I stood up, my hands gripping the railing, my knuckles turning white.  The footsteps came closer.  I tensed up as I felt a hand touch my back.  “You’re going to be okay.” Jean said in a hushed voice as he rubbed my back trying to help me calm down.

“I’m sorry.” I repeated over and over again barely audible.

“It’s natural to have this job affect you.” Jean told me as he kept rubbing my back.  “Just don’t let it affect your skills.”

I took a deep breath to help steady myself.  My knees weakened. I slowly made myself sit with my back against to the stone balcony railing.  Jean took a seat next to me.  I noticed he was in his pajamas. I felt guilty to deprive him of his sleep.  I rested my head on his shoulder still trying to manage my breathing.  Jean hesitantly put an arm around me pulling me closer to him.     “I just miss my parents.” I whisper pulling my knees to my chest. “Everyone says they’ll always be with me in my heart, but it doesn’t take away the pain.” I burst into tears once more.

 Jean wraps his arms around me, cradling me.  He doesn’t say anything.  He just lets me let out all my grief that I pent up for so long. He holds me close and that’s all I needed at that moment. To not feel alone. For once in my life after the deaths of my parents I didn’t feel alone.

I pull away once I cried all the tears I had.  I sniffle wiping my tears on my shirt sleeve.  I give a halfhearted smirk. “I’m sorry I ruined your shirt.”

He shrugs it off.

 “What’s your mom like?” I asked.

Jean seems surprised I’d ask. He didn’t speak for a moment. “She’s like any mom, I suppose.” He answered.  He saw I was not satisfied with the answer and sighed. “She treats me like I’m a child, constantly nagging me, but I know she’s just trying to look out for me. I love her, even if she’s overbearing.”

“She sounds wonderful.” I say, thinking how she was like my mom.

“You know, tomorrow we’re going to Trost. Maybe I could talk Levi into letting us visit my mom.” Jean suggested trying to ease my pain.  That in some way, meeting his mom would fill some void in my heart.

"You’d really talk to Levi?” I teased.

“For a short guy, he is pretty intimidating, but for you I’ll try to reason with him.” Jean smiled his lopsided grin.

I lean my head against Jean’s shoulder once again, stifling a yawn, sleep coming over me.  “We should probably go back to our dorms.” Jean says. “Are you feeling a little better?”

I was just getting over the anxiety attack, enough that I could sleep, but I didn’t want to go back to my dorm. Even if there was another girl in the room I felt isolated and alone.

 “You can sleep in my dorm,” Jean tells me, “if you want.” He quickly adds, his face turning red. Something I’d only seen when he tried to talk to Mikasa.

“You don’t mind if I sleep with you?” I question, feeling guilty to put Jean out like that.

Jean winked at my wording.  I hit his shoulder, but he laughs it off.  He scooped me up in his arms, I giggled at the notion and wrapped my arms around his neck. He stood up carrying me bridal style and walked me down the hallway to his dorm.  Once at his dorm his kicked the door open and walked over to the bottom bunk gently setting me in. He sat at the end of the bed. I laugh once more at what had just happened, but quickly cover my mouth as to not wake the other guy who slept in the room.

Jean looked over at me questioning my motion. I couldn’t read his face in the dark, but I sense him seized up, in the dark I could make out him rubbing his eyes.  I crawled over to Jean and sat next to him.  I pull him into me, resting my chin on his head.

“Why, why did he have to die?” Jean cried

I run my fingers through his hair.  I didn’t have the answers he needed. No one did.

“I like to think that we are reborn. So, that in another life we can see our loved ones again.” I say quietly.  “Maybe we won’t remember this life in the next, but we’ll feel the bond that’s lasted eternity.”

Jean pulled away, in my adjusted eyesight, I could see tears streaming down Jean’s face.

“We should probably get some sleep.” Jean brushed away his tears, changing the subject.  Was his pride that great or did he not want to think of Marco? He gets up from the bed and goes to lay on the cold floor.

“What are you doing?” I asked looking down at him.

“I can’t sleep in Marco’s bed and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Jean whispered.

I shook my head.  “Jean, you goof, you can sleep with me.”

He makes a small laugh at what I say as he gets into bed with me.  We settle in, our backs pressed up against one another’s in the small bed, but I didn’t mind.  It was nice to be this close to someone.

It’s quiet for a long while.  I couldn’t tell if Jean was asleep, but I didn’t dare move in case he was asleep.  I didn’t want to wake him up once more. I thought about what my past lives must have been like. How I must have had one life where I grew up with my parents.  My dad could have walked me down the aisle on my wedding day. My parents becoming grandparents.  Everything that was robbed of me in this life.  I closed my eyes, and my thoughts traveled into my dreams. 

 

I woke to Jean’s arm flung over me. I felt his breath on my neck, meaning his must have nuzzled his face into my hair.  I wished I could have looked upon the scene to see Jean cuddled up next to me. 

As I woke up more I realized I was in Jean’s dorm.

I was in the boys’ dorm!

I bulleted up causing Jean to wake up. He grumbled rubbing his eyes and turning onto his other side.   

“Jean.” I hissed in a quiet voice. “Get your ass up so I can get out of this bed.”

I sighed seeing he wasn’t going to budge, so I tried to crawl over him, hoping he wouldn’t wake up with me straddling him. Luckily, he didn’t wake.  I crept to the door, cracking it open slowly scanning to see if the hall was clear. It must have been earlier enough in the morning that everyone was asleep. I rushed down the hall and down the spiral staircase. 

Unlike the boy’s dorm, the girls’ dorm wasn’t deserted. I earned a few raised eyebrows, knowing all too well what they must have thought.  Not that I minded, we’d all joke about it later over breakfast.

Mikasa noticed my entrance, and made her way over to me.  She was dressed in her uniform and scarf, but didn’t have the belts on just yet.

“I woke up and you weren’t there. Was everything alright?” Mikasa asked concerned.

“I needed some air and Jean found me out on the balcony.” I told her.

“Thankfully it was Jean and not Levi.” She said.

Ymir puts an arm around me, leaning in to me. “So, what happened last night?” She wiggled her eyebrows, smirking.

I dip out of her one armed embrace, then shrug smiling.  Jean’s pride wouldn’t want me telling her that I spent the night because we both broke down.

 

Not too long later, after getting ready for the day I made my way to the dining hall with Mikasa. We got our breakfast and sat at our usual table. Eren and Armin sat on either side of Mikasa.  Eren looked like he was still half asleep while, Armin was more of a morning person.

Jean plopped down next to me. It was evident that neither of us slept well. The dark rims under our eyes gave it away.  We all start eating, starting to wake up.  Once our brains start functioning, small talk formed, leading into Jean and Eren fighting; their way of bonding. Armin, Mikasa, and I who had grown use to this occurrence, ignored them, and talked about the trip to Trost for a training exercise.

Jean nudged my arm, I glance over at him long enough to see him smile at me.  Did he talk to Levi already?

Breakfast came to an end.  We put our dishes in the sink to be cleaned.  Thankfully Jean and I didn’t have cleaning duty.  The cadets left the dining hall, all gathering in the equipment room.  Jean and I walked together in the crowd to retrieve our 3DMGs. Jean and I easily put on the belts and harnesses.  For so long I had struggled putting on the belts, Jean would laugh at me being in a tangled mess before helping me.

“Y/N!” Eren called as we make it to the horse stalls.

“What is it Eren?” I asked. 

“I heard you rode a horse last night.” Eren then winked before cracking up laughing along with Riener and Ymir. 

Jean’s face turns bright red in anger at being called a horse by Eren… again.  I stood red with embarrassment.

“Eren.” Mikasa warned.  “You know Y/N isn’t like that.” Mikasa walked over to me grabbing my arm before pulling me away from the scene.  Mikasa and I make our way to my horse, Lucky. 

“Sorry about Eren.” She apologized.  She pets Lucky’s head.

“I should have seen it coming.” I admitted, shrugging. “All that matters is that I know what happened.”

Mikasa nodded.

I grab the saddle and place it on the Lucky’s back and strapped the belt. 

“Cadet Y/N.” I hear. I stand up looking over to the stall entrance.  Corporal Levi was standing there.  Mikasa and I stood straight with our hands over our hearts. “Mikasa, you’re dismissed.” Mikasa nodded. She passed by Levi, looking back at me, giving me a sympathetic smile.

“Is there something wrong Corporal Levi?” I asked.

“Jean came to me asking if the two of you could visit his mother.” He stated.

I nodded.  Did Jean not get approval to visit his mother?

“I told him yes, but I came to tell you that if I don’t see the two of you at the city gate by 7 a.m. then the two of you will get cleaning duty for two months.” He smirked at this. “I hope I made myself clear.”

A wide smile spreads across my face. “Yes sir!” I said cheerfully.  Levi turned around to exit the stall.  I grabbed Levi’s shoulder turning him back around to face me.  I pulled him into a hug. “Thank you so much.”

Levi stood perfectly still.  I stepped back, still smiling.  Levi looked shocked by the notion. My smile faded as I studied Levi’s face.  When was the last time Levi was hugged? He simply nodded his head and quickly turned to exit the stall. 

I grabbed the reigns to Lucky guiding her to the patch of grass in front of the HQ.  Many of the other cadets were with their horses, talking to one another as the horses ate.  I scanned the grounds looking for Jean.  I had so many questions to ask him about his mother.  Mostly if he thought she’d like me.

Yelling brought me out of my thoughts.  Eren and Jean had already gotten into another fight. This one was physical.  Everyone was gathered around watching to see who would win the epic fight this time.  I pushed through the crowds. I stood in shock, my hands flew to my mouth.  Jean was on top of Eren, his nose was bloody.  Eren’s left eye was swollen shut and turning a shade of dark blue.  I never saw a fight between the two of them get this bad.

I snapped out of my trance.  I grabbed the back of Jean’s shirt pulling as hard as I can to get him off of Eren. Jean tried to pounce on Eren again.  Eren got off his back half crawling towards Jean. Neither of them seem to realize I was there. 

_Where is Mikasa? Or Armin?_

Eren grabs Jean’s collar and punches him in the face.  Jean spits blood in Eren’s face. It’s all happening too fast for me.

“Stop!” I shouted. Eren freezes with his arm back ready to give Jean another hit.  “What the fuck is wrong with the two of you?” 

Eren lowered his arm, falling onto his back.  He realizes the fights over. He closes his eye, wincing at the pain.

Jean fell into my lap. He spits more blood onto the grass. Looking down at him his eyes avoid mine.  “What got into you?” I demanded. “You and Eren never fight like this.”

Jean doesn’t answer. He staggered into a standing position. He puts a hand out for me. I take his hand getting up.  I look around, the crowd has somewhat dispersed. I walk over to Eren who’s only a few feet away.  He’s still on the ground regaining his breath.

“Eren, let’s get you to the infirmary.” He puts his arm out for me to take to help him up.

I feel a touch on my shoulder. I turn to see Mikasa.  Her face is horrified at the state Eren is in.

“Don’t worry about it.” Eren says annoyed. Mikasa puts an arm around Eren’s midsection.

“I’ll make sure he sees a doctor.” Mikasa informs me.

“I’m not even injured.” Eren protested.

Mikasa gives him a look only she could give. He quiets his protests and leads him to the HQ to get checked out.

I turn back to Jean with my arms crossed. “You realize Levi can deny us of visiting your mother because of this.”

Jean looks at the ground ashamed.

“What the hell were you fighting about?” I asked irritated.

“I can’t tell you.” He answered flatly.

“You’re unbelievable.” I threw my hands up.

“Please, I just don’t want to talk about it right now.” He pleaded.

I roll my eyes at him.  I would hold him to that.  He was going to tell me what happened between the two of them that made their fighting escalate to that extent.

“Get into formation.” Levi called out riding out of the stalls on his horse. Everyone follows his orders straddling their horses.  Jean and I fall into our formation positions. Both of us in the rear of the pack, but we didn’t have positions next to each other. Mikasa separated the two of us.

As we trotted along to Trost I could feel his eyes on me.  I’d glanced over at Jean.

He mouthed “Are you mad at me still?”. 

I shrug my shoulders, I didn’t know how I felt about the whole situation. Mikasa on the other hand glared at him. The journey to Trost is quiet between most of us. Only hushed conversations from Levi and Erwin went on.  I didn’t mind the quiet at the moment. I saw the beautiful views our small, caged world had to offer.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Jean and I walked the stone streets. Lights flickered in the houses around us.  The village was like any other.  The houses were closely packed together, but it felt welcoming.  We had pasted a court yard where a few kids were still playing before they were called for supper.   Jean told me him and Marco use to play in that court yard as little kids once.

“We’re almost there.” Jean informed me with a smile.

“I’m nervous.” I say clutching my stomach.

Jean looked down at me. “What’s there to worry about?”

“What if your mom doesn’t like me?” I questioned. 

“She will.” Jean puts an arm around me and pulls me into him in an effort to comfort me. “We’re here!”

My breathing quickens.  I run my fingers through my hair making sure it still looks presentable. I glance down at my uniform. It was as clean as it was going to get for a uniform.

Jean knocked on the door.  He looks down at me again, seeing my face turn white.  He takes his hand in mine, squeezing it. I give a small smile at him, seeing his face turn slightly red.

The doors creaks open. “Jeanbo!” his mother exclaims. She extents her arms out grabbing Jean into a loving hug.

“Mom.” Jean groaned.

I giggled at the name his mother called him.  His face turned redder.  She lets go of Jean and turns to look at me.  She was an average heighted woman, full figured, with brown hair pulled back in a ponytail.  She wore a wide smile on her face.

“Jean! You never told me you had a girlfriend!” His mother was so pleased by this assumption.  Jean’s face seems to be permanently stuck red. Jean and I look at each other in shock, but neither of us had the heart to tell her we weren’t dating. “What’s your name, you cute little thing.”

“Y/N.”

She pulled me into a tight hug. I gladly hugged her back. She smells of firewood and home cooked meals.  “Please, call me mom!” She tells me as she lets go of me.

“You two must be hungry! Come in, come in!” She steps out of the way.  

 

“I can help you with the dishes.” I offer, getting up from my chair with my dinner plate in hand.

“I like this one.” Mom tells Jean.  She turns towards the sink starting the water. She cleans the dishes and I dry them off and put them on the counter.

“Jean would you mind going into the nightstand on your dad’s side of the bed? I need something from there.” Mom tells him, turning back from the sink to look at him.  I look at her then to Jean.  He seems confused but nods before wondering off into the rest of the house.

“I don’t know if you notice it as much as I do, being a mother and all, but the way Jean looks at you.” She smileed at me. “He looks at you like my husband use to look at me.”

My face turns red.  I had fallen for Jean, and he was always there for me. Though, it never occurred to me that he’d actually love me back.  I always thought he had fallen for Mikasa, even if he didn’t have a chance with her.

“You really think he loves me?” I asked in shock.

“A mother always knows.” She winked then laughed happily. “I can see how much he means to you too.”

I feel the heat emitting from my cheeks.  “Am I really that obvious about it?”

“If it helps, Jean’s oblivious when it comes to these things.”  She shook her head with a smile.

I jumped when I heard Jean clear his throat.   My cheeks were still hot and I’m sure they were a bright red.  I set the dish in my hand on the counter, then turn around to Jean. I look at Jean’s hands seeing that he has nothing in his hands.  I look at him curious as to what he had to get from his mother’s room.  He looked at me understanding my question.  He glanced at his mother who gave a small nod.  His face is red, but not as red as mine.

“I’m going to go put some extra blankets in your room, it’s supposed to cool off tonight.” Mom says excusing herself from the kitchen, she walks up the staircase, disappearing.

Jean rubs the back of his neck, giving a shy smile. He walks over to me. “Y/N, this world is cruel and merciless,” I look at him curiously. He takes one of my hands, I can’t tell if I’m the one shaking or if it’s him. “But, with you here it’s also beautiful.”

“Jean.” I whisper, not believing what’s happening.

He gets down on one knee. “Please, stay by myself, in this life and in the next.” He opens his other hand revealing a ring. 

My free hand rushes to cover my face.  I can’t contain all the emotions swelling inside me.  I begin to laugh and cry, while shaking. Jean stands up and pulls me into a hug.  He kisses the top of my head. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Jean says. He pulls away to look at me.

All I can do is nod. He takes my hand, sliding the ring onto my ring finger. 

I look at the ring now on my finger, realizing that all this is real.  Jean, the love of my life.  My soulmate.  Had proposed to me.  Even in this cruel and merciless world, there was beauty.  There was a light in the perpetual darkness.

I put a hand on his cheek. He turns dusty pink. He smiles at me. I stand on my tiptoes, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. He places his hands on my hips.

“I love you, Y/N.” He whispers.

“I love you too.” I smile.

He leans down, pulling me close. Our bodies pressed up against one another’s.  He kisses me slowly, passionately.  My eyes flutter shut, I kiss back wrapping my arms around his neck.  He bites my bottom lip. His hands rubbing up and down my sides.

“I take it she said yes.” His mother says standing at the bottom of the staircase.

Jean and I jump, separating ourselves from one another. 

“I did.” I smile holding my hand up for her to see the ring.

“That’s the ring Jean’s dad proposed to me with.” He mother says bitter sweetly. She walked over to me giving me a tight hug. “Welcome to the family.”

“I’m glad to have one.” I answer.

She pulls away, with tears in her eyes. “It’s late, you two should go to bed. You have to get up early, right?”

“That’s right.” I groan.

“Good night!” Mom smiles. She turns her heels, walking to her room, which was on the first floor. “Love you, and don’t stay up too late.”

I look up at Jean giggling. He just rolls his eyes.

“Shall we go our bedroom?” Jean smirks.


End file.
